UNBURDEN YOURSELF

"Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast" Lewis Carroll
You may notice that your worries or cares carry a certain weight to them, the beliefs you hold come at a cost, restrict your choices no longer allowing you to act freely as though you are a puppet on a string, acting automatically causing some negative consequences whether this is internal stress or has impact on yourself body or mind or that of others.

We can imagine someone holding onto shopping bags very tightly - in one bag carrying a carry-bag labelled "the future" and all the hopes and fears in that bag, the other hand holding a bag labelled "the past" perhaps with regrets, hurt or fear.  Imagine the weight of carrying these bags all the time.  What a relief to know it only takes a few moments to place those shopping bags on the ground, if only to rest for a moment.  We can feel rested even if for a moment without carrying them, our shoulders and arms, our backs would thank us.  In fact we'd be silly to hold something heavy tightly for a long time.

Notice your arms are available to do something else, maybe something that is more important to you than holding onto those bags: hugging a baby, dressing yourself, comforting someone you love  Perhaps it is enough not to hold onto anything at all, just enjoy being present, being human.

At some point we may notice that the kind thing to do is to leave those bags be, perhaps we know the contents already of those bags and needn't even unpack them but even if we aren't ready to choose to let those bags go we can still enjoy allowing them to be still resting on the ground.  

We might liken this to trying to hold our mind still like holding a glass of water tightly and never finding peace.  Placing the glass of water on a table takes no effort, but we are more able to keep that water still as it happens naturally when we make a choice.  We might find that it takes time when we have shaken up our mind over time for the water to settle, but know that with practice we can notice when we are holding on and also notice letting go.
"Let's try an experiment. Pick up a coin. Imagine that it represents
the object at which you are grasping. Hold it tightly
clutched in your fist and extend your arm, with the palm of
your hand facing the ground. Now if you let go or relax your
grip, you will lose what you are clinging onto. That's why
you hold on.
But there's another possibility: You can let go and yet keep 
hold of it. With your arm still outstretched, turn your hand
over so that it faces the sky. Release your hand and the coin
still rests on your open palm. You let go. And the coin is still
yours, even with all this space around it.
So there is a way in which we can accept impermanence
and still relish life, at one and the same time, without grasping."  Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

GROUNDING

This is simply noticing what else is present even in the midst of strong emotions.  At any one time, there are probably more than 5 things you can see, hear, taste, smell and feel. 

​Notice that even when you are overwhelmed by an emotion that you can move your arms around, push your heels into the floor, touch your tongue to the roof of your mouth, notice you are breathing and alive.  It can be useful to notice you have some control over what you pay attention to and faculty of your body. 


It can help put things in perspective.  At some point you may notice an alternative point of view - a flip side to your uncomfortable emotion that represents something you value deeply- but it is not always necessary to unpack these emotions, they are just natural arisings from the mind- just like the things we see, taste, hear, feel and smell.
"You are the sky, everything else is the weather"

Pema Chodron

MINDFULNESS OF THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS

In fact we can spend time simply noticing our thoughts and feelings.  This is a bit different to just thinking or feeling, but rather you may notice a part of your mind that witnesses the comings and goings of your mind.  This is a bit like the sky that is ever present as the clouds come and go from the sky. 

​There is a part of the mind that is unblemished, untouched by all the thoughts and emotions that have come and gone and continue to arise and dissipate.  It doesn't matter if the clouds are fluffy and white, grey and stormy, night or day.  The sky is expansive and can make room for all of the activity which occurs naturally.  The sky is also unharmed by the weather. 

You may notice some tendency to want to grab or pull closer any wanted fluffy clouds or push away unwanted stormy clouds, or you may notice simple indifference at the clouds.  When watching thoughts and feelings like clouds in the sky we may notice our reactions.  Some people like to label their thoughts like "sadness", "anxiety", "shame" as they notice them arising, but this is not always necessary.  We can simply label our thoughts or feelings as "noticing" or sometimes it is useful to "notice noticing".  This is a reminder that our thoughts and feelings do not define us, that there is a part of the mind that "notices" thoughts and feelings which is very useful for giving us perspective when overwhelmed by apparently strong emotions.  This part of the mind that "notices noticing" in hypnosis-speak is called the "silent-observor" and in ACT therapy they call it "self-as-context", others might call it pure-awareness.

UNDERSTANDING PSYCHOLOGICAL SKILLS

WHY AND HOW TO GUIDE TO BREATHING MEDITATION

  ​​"What is all the fuss about?"
"Can't do it?"

It is natural for the mind to wander and be active.  The purpose of what is typically called breathing meditation foster an attitude of 1) awareness or present-moment attention ie. mindfulness 2) gentleness or kindness 3) an ability to let go.  We might notice that the attitude we bring to breathing meditation is the attitude we bring to life- after all, if we can enjoy simply being alive, being free of cares and worries and just enjoy breathing, no demands, being human - then we are fostering unconditional love for ourselves, our present experience which is not the same moment at any instance in time.  What's more is our breath is with us all the time, giving us life - being present and aware of our breathing is an act of love and gratitude for our body.

The analogy of feeding a baby is commonly used in which we are encouraged to bring the baby's attention back to the spoonful of food gently.  We can notice when our mind wanders without particularly judging our mind and playfully bring the mind back to enjoying the sensations of breathing.  It is said that we can allow 60% attention to be present, that is, bring only very light attention - so whilst there is some precision involved, more importantly we must not forget that kindness is key.

In the same way as we can train our pet  horse with a carrot or a stick, we might find that the stick produces an anxious and fearful horse which might not be our intention.  What is the carrot in this scenario you might ask?  Well I wonder if it's the joy of having no particular demands, nothing to do but enjoy the moment, breathing - the simple act of being alive - this is available to all of us until the very last breath!?  But also, can we be wiser if we notice our thoughts and feelings more without being controlled by our thoughts and feelings?
​

GRATITUDE BODY SCAN

Progressive-Muscle Relaxation helps train "kindfulness" or present moment awareness of the body and mind with curious, gentle and open-attention. But feeling appreciation for our body parts, senses and mind is a powerful act of kindness for ourselves too.

​Embedded in it's instruction as you shift awareness from one location in the body to another, is the ability to let-go. 

​Notice any tension present in any area of the body - perhaps you can stretch or wiggle to make it more comfortable, tense the muscles to allow it to relax even more afterwards but at some point you may notice that a shift in attitude allows that area of the body to become more comfortable.  This is a bit like when a caregiver kisses a bruise and it feels better! There is some ability within us to heal our own physical and emotional pain and this can be enhanced with practice. 

You may wish to thank parts of your body for instance your eyes for the gift of sight, your neck for supporting your head, your hands for their dexterity and skill, your pelvis for supporting your torso, your chest for breathing and your heart for pumping blood- even without you particularly noticing- night and day, your tummy for digestion and nutrition.  Our body and mind has been there for us and we can be there and acknowledge our body.  You can thank your head for noticing all of your senses and body.

It is also not uncommon to find that mental distress affects physical wellbeing and vice versa.  You might be surprised that being more aware of your body helps your mental wellbeing and being aware of your mind helps your physical wellbeing.  In actual fact it may well be that learning to relax our bodily discomfort may be the same skill that we can apply to relaxing our mental distress.

Hypnosis and Meditation techniques often have in common learning links between the mind and body which can be very powerful.​ 

A NOTE ON FLEXIBLE THINKING

We encourage you to question, reflect on what is true to you in your experience, examine your own beliefs and work out for yourself what way of thinking is helpful, produces more happiness in your life.  The Buddhist references in this Blog are not intended to convert, indoctrinate or "brain-wash" users rather they intended to offer an alternative view which was helpful for the author of this Blog and may be useful to others.  A central part of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is about noticing how our thoughts produce feelings and behaviours- and therefore examining our thoughts and finding more balanced thoughts and beliefs we can also produce calm and sensible actions more consistent with how we wish to be.

 In fact, you may find that
  • "contradiction is balance" (a U2 quote by the way), or 
  • we can test out the truth like a blacksmith examining diamonds amongst the rock we might find what is indestructible, or
  • that whilst many wise people can point in the right direction, it is still a general direction, you will have to find for yourself where happiness is located yourself, or 
  • that in taking a raft like a belief seeking the shore of happiness, we may find that we can abandon that raft once we've reached our destination

MEDITATION APPS

Probably the best known free App is Smiling Mind which runs mindfulness courses in schools - it includes breathing relaxation and progressive muscle relaxation and other mindfulness skills

See E-Mental Health at www.linhtamdoan.com for other useful Apps for Psychological Skills.

MY FAVOURITE BOOKS


From who I believe originally coined the term "Kindfulness" - author, Youtube celebrity, theoretical physicist & Buddhist Monk Ajahn Brahm: "Opening the Door of Your Heart" -contains illustrative short stories with plenty of wisdom and heart.  Even if you do not subscribe to Buddhist beliefs, there is still common-sense in this book for you.  


"Wisdom of No Escape" by Pema Chodron describes instructions to Meditation well and one of her many books on becoming curious about unpleasant emotions and how behind them are a "soft spot"  - areas where our heart can open.
“Any place you don´t want to be, no matter how comfortable, is a prison for you.”

​Ajahn Brahm

YOUTUBE VIDEOS


The original Youtube video that really helped me understand and experience "Gratitude - the Basis of Abundance, Antidote to Scarcity" beyond the textbooks and research benefits- actually quite hypnotic to listen with it's imagery and metaphors although is merely a reflection on this monk Venerable Dr Buddharakkita from Buddhist Society of Victoria and makes few references to Buddhist "beliefs" persay.

​I'm not sure where to start but Ajahn Brahm as he is so prolific on Youtube with jokes, guided meditations and some wise stories but this Guided Meditation is nice although it is aimed at experienced meditators may still be suitable for beginners.

A Cloud Never Dies by Thich Nhat Hanh a Zen Buddhist Monk.  Probably better described in his CDs where he talks about seeing a cloud in a piece of paper...but this is more readily accessible practically.  Even if you do not subscribe to Buddhist beliefs there is some comfort here as "Thay"("teacher" in Vietnamese) describes the paradox of nothing lasting but also nothing dying to children and an audience in a playful manner.
​
"When somebody is generous with us, we feel thankful we feel thanks, thanks a lot, cheers, appreciate that, nice one you know?

We feel acknowledged, worthy, we feel that this is a flourishing place to be in my heart. I feel flourishing you know?
Because the opposite is scarcity, the opposite is impoverishment, 
the opposite is like “not enough”.

When we experience “not enough”, sometimes I feel “not enough”
And the feeling of “I am not enough” is shame:  I’m not worthy of receiving, I’m not worthy of support, I’m not you know - It’s somehow against me. I didn’t get let in in the traffic because that person didn’t like me."

​Venerable Dr Buddharakkita

MY FAVOURITE CDS

"Mindfulness and Psychotherapy" by Thich Nhat Hanh Audio CD is easy to understand instructions and wisdom   "Living Without Stress or Fear: Essential teachings on the true source of happiness" is a series of Audio CDs  worth a listen.  His books are quite often used as recommended reading for Dialectical Behavioural Therapists teaching mindfulness and how it can be incorporated into daily life.

I'm not sure if I've ever listened to much more than the first CD of this series "Perfect Just As You Are" by Pema Chodron but it provides a description and alternative words to describe Loving-Kindness, Compassion, Equanimity and Joy which is helpful for anyone having difficulty touching-in with these emotions and how noticing barriers to experiencing these emotions is useful too.  Loving-Kindness Meditation is not dissimilar to reflecting on gratitude but is being studied in its own right in Psychology research.  The traditional practice supposes that love or kindness can be grown if we simply reflect on a genuine experience no matter how small. furthermore we can learn to extend it to ourselves, close-others and an ever widening circle.




​
"Equanimity means we are able to be with ourselves and our world without getting caught in “for” and “against,” without judging things as “right” or “wrong,” without getting caught up in opinions and beliefs and solidly held views about ourselves and our world.

Unconditional friendliness is training in being able to settle down with ourselves, just as we are, without labeling our experience as “good” or “bad.” We don’t need to become too dramatic or despairing about what we see in ourselves."

​Pema Chodron
​
Loving-Kindness Meditation or Positive Emotion Reflection & its Health Benefits
How to do Loving-Kindness Meditation (or touching in  with love that is already available and growing it like a muscle)

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